When I look at people's lives' I'm fascinated by the vast differences we experience through some of the same situations. And visa-versa, how we can have different situations and yet experience something similar. I look at those around me and how they "juggle" their lives'. Some are married, have children, are in school, accomplishing careers, doing volunteer work, thoroughly organized in their lives or completely lost with the rest of us! But how many of us can claim simplicity in our lives? I'm not talking about having practically nothing to do every day, or cutting back on everything modern and going back to "simpler" times. What am I talking about tho? How do we have simplicity and still keep our busy lives? As a matter of fact, what is simplicity?
According to The Random House Dictionary and Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus "simplicity" has many definitions and synonyms. Instead of boring you with all the definitions and synonyms written out, I'm going to give you the ones I mean when I talk about simplicity:
Purity. Clarity. Unassumingness. Modesty. Innocence. Directness. Honesty. The simple truth. A simple fact. Free of deceit or guile. Sincere. Unconditional. A frank, simple answer. Humble.
I have a challenge right now in my life. I have to be honest, I have no idea how to conquer this, but I know that I must try, and I expect the growing I will do is going to be painful... I don't like that kind of growing! :-P I need to learn simplicity, even in the midst of my chaotic life. I need to back peddle and explain the complete disorder of my life, thrilling tho it sometimes can be.
Earlier this year in February my job at a bakery changed my schedule to different hours every day. I was seriously not happy. The new schedule cut into my time at church. It wasn't supposed to, my boss was actually trying to make sure I could get off on time, but more often than not I couldn't, thus being late or even completely missing AWANA or Youth Group or the college group I was involved with at the time. I also felt that it was time to go back to school and continue the education I had started in the medical field, but my job left no time for that either. I continued to not be happy but also not do anything to try and change the situation.
At the end of May, a job quite literally fell in my lap. They called me one day, interviewed the next and I started the day after. It was a complete answer to my prayers. I now work in non-medical-in-home-nursing. I work 72 hour shifts (live-in shifts) and I'm enjoying it. I've also signed up for fall classes at the local college to continue my medical career. Everything should be in place, right? Hardly...
My work schedule is kind of all over the place at the moment since I'm also trying to arrange prior commitments into it and not lose any hours or make the girl I work with overloaded... My Great-Grandmother is seriously amazing but she's still getting older and my whole family is taking a trip to visit her this year, so that's in my schedule too. I want to go see my maternal grandparents ALOT! So I'm determined to do that before the end of the year. I have a very close friend getting married and I won't miss it for the world and a dear little girl I grew up babysitting is in a performance missionary group right now and I'm hoping to make a trio to see her in a performance. All these things mean rearranging work and taking on extra shifts to cover missed ones and I'm seriously paying rent for an apartment I don't live in, or so it feels. I hurt my back (again) the other day as well which means I've put an exercise program into my schedule as well (having no insurance, I'll do what I'm capable of on my own to heal faster!).
I only realized the other day just how incredibly busy I've become. See, I've always been busy; I enjoy the rush of life when it's fast, but lately I've been missing a couple things in my 100 mph life.
I miss my time with my Savior. :-( I keep putting off my quiet time in hopes of a longer time-period in which to do it, only to have the day be gone before I found that time. My prayers have been rendered to short shouts up towards heaven, a quick plea here, an expression of thanks there, etc... I was once told that if you take away the written Word from man, that he'd fall very quickly. I'm telling you, there's no falling, just complete misery! The sharp ache in my spirit won't dissipate. The hole that's normally filled in my soul is empty. My joy isn't being renewed, my strength is draining, and I feel as if it's been decades since I stopped to feel my Savior's arms holding me.
I miss my girls and my church! I've missed the last four Sundays at church and two Wednesday nights for Youth Group. Those girls I lead can drain with so much need for attention, but they have this special power to refill you at the same time. I miss them. I miss the squeals of joy being shouted when we see each other and the races to receive huge hugs. I miss their questions and the challenges they give. I miss being in the choir. I can't attend the practices on Saturday nights anymore because of work, and missing the last four Sundays, well, you get the picture...
I miss my friends. I get texts here and there or a quick hug when I breeze by for 15 seconds. I miss talking to my friends and giving and receiving encouragement. I don't get to be involved like I used to be and the term of late when we see each other is "It's been Forever!" :-( Even my dear friend and roommate, I hardly ever see her, and we live together!
And silly as it may seem, I miss myself. I miss having time for myself, being able to do the things I enjoy, the things I need to do or just do nothing at all. My apartment is a mess, my clothes need to be washed and I'm scared to look in my fridge since I'm home so little that I'm not sure what's in there! Eek!
With all this being said, I want to gain back some simplicity. Yes, in the midst of my chaos! I want to wake up every morning looking onto an extraordinarily busy day and breathe calmly because I know my life is where it's supposed to be at during this time. This busier than normal season is seriously where I feel called to be right now. The lesson from it will be great and after the holidays end, and the craziness slows, I'm hoping to know that my focus can stay strong on the Lord no matter how chaotic I feel, and that He has a purpose, a purpose so simple, it only requires following Him! :-D Talk about true simplicity!
