When In Doubt

I've loved every minute of my move to SD to date, but there have been some moments of doubt.  I know I did the thing I wanted, but was it what God wanted?  I prayed about it for months and was positive that He'd said "Yes," but did I misinterpret a "No" or a "Not now"?  I hadn't let anyone know I was starting to have these doubts.  I wasn't sure myself what the correct answer was, but I knew so many people had put a lot into helping me prepare, move, and settle in that I didn't want to possibly say it might have been for nothing.  Why these doubts when I was so certain before?  Because I didn't have a job!

I don't have a very desirable job skill set (CNA's aren't known for their awesome pay-grade or cool job... duties...), but I have one that is always hiring and easy to get hired if you know what you are doing.  I know, trust me, I know!  I've been a CNA for seven years (two years longer than I swore I'd ever be one!).  I have learned tricks and tips from CNA's of 20+ years and with the love for people that God has given to me, I've always excelled in my work.  I have never been unemployed for more than two weeks.  In fact, usually I've interviewed, hired and started a job within two weeks.  I'm starting my fourth week in SD, with no job.

What a time of learning this has been!  Although I've never been one to worry excessively, I'm simply not patient enough to sit around not working.  I moved to a new (and exciting) area and I am not able to go out exploring as I would like since I have to watch my finances until I start work.  I'm closer to my family but even tho I took one spontaneous trip to visit at the beginning, I can't do it again until I have a set schedule.  I've been applying and inquiring after 4-5 jobs a day.  Not receiving any replies back or scheduling any interviews was causing me to seriously question this move.  Learning to wait upon the Lord (it feels like learning to wait while waiting- does that make sense?) is not easy for me.  I'm not used to waiting for anything.  I go through life very fast and the slow moments are usually because something is requiring a little more time than I anticipated.   Having a full three and a half weeks of waiting may not seem long, but it's definitely a test for me.  It's learning contentment in a new way, it's learning patience again and again and again, it's learning to wait in the Lord, for the Lord, wait while spending my time with Him, it's learning to take these disappointments to my Jesus and leave them piled at His feet, because when I take them all back, I start to doubt my following or His direction.  

I am positive I'm not done learning these lessons. I know I will need reminders quite often of what I've learned from this time.  You know that "chant" said at church sometimes?   "God is good. All the time.  All the time, God is good."  I think it needs a little tweaking.  God is most definitely good, and He is always good all the time, but I've learned that His timing is also always good.  Today I received a job offer from the one interview I had over two weeks ago.  I was slightly discouraged by the interview (it was a group interview, my first!).  They had said they would call with their decision but hadn't yet.  It was the job I wanted, a job that I could learn more from, a medical field I had yet to work in, and I was so disappointed to not have heard back from them.  So God is good, all the time, and God's timing is always good!  I start Monday for orientation and am so excited for this opportunity He's given me.  Once again, God is faithful!

The Big News (but not too big)

Wanna know something?  If you're friends with my older sister, you might already know (she can't keep her honest mouth shut).  I'm moving!  I'm finding that moving is an exciting prospect until it becomes time to start packing.  Then it's not so exciting, rather, it becomes an item on the list of things to avoid.  When cupboards start becoming empty and your apartment starts to show bare walls and floor spaces again, it's back to exciting.  Friends start to talk about the adventure of moving and the realization that these friends won't be near anymore makes moving once again undesirable.  The solution I've come up with is that I need to learn to teleport- then all my stuff could be moved without packing it and finding time or money to visit friends left behind won't be an issue!

ACK!  Sorry, had to kill a spider attempting to sneak across my arm...  ~shudder~

Back to the issue at hand: moving.  I've been wanting to move for years.  Originally, I wanted to move to a cooler climate (i.e.- Washington, i.e.- Seattle, i.e.- I like the Olympic Peninsula too), but my family is growing and I will be an auntie for the third time at the end of September (maybe beginning of October?).  The thought of living so far away while my nieces (and almost-here nephew) are so little is a depressing thought.  All I could think of is Miss Niece and Little Niece calling me "Buggy" when they see me (my little sister's nickname).  They've both done it (goes to show family resemblance is obvious in my family).  Every time I haven't visited for at least five months, I'm back to being the other Bug.  Not cool, especially when I LOVE being an auntie and want to watch them grow up.  Being the unknown aunt is just not acceptable.  So to make this long story short: because my little sister is having a baby, I'm moving south instead of north.  Yes, back to dreaded SoCal I go...  I'll admit, I'm still rather excited.

I'm not moving back to my hometown, not to incredibly hot L.A., or to the desert-I-would-DIE-in-known-as-Palm-Springs-where-most-of-my-siblings-live.  This cold-weather-loving gal is moving to the (I've been told and hope it's true) beachy, same-weather-most-of-the-year area of San Diego.  It is a new adventure that is filled with many perks:
-I get my own room again
-I get my own bathroom for the first time ever
-I get a new roommate/friend
-I will be only two hours away from most of my family (in the desert and L.A. area)
-I will be 30 min away from the beach
-There is a public library about a half-mile away from my new apartment
-The city park is less than a mile away (Big Sis- feel free to bring nieces weekly!)
-There's a Sprout's Farmer's Market store 1.3 miles away
-According to the world wide web, there are farmer's markets every day, all year long, not just seasonally
-San Diego is the second largest city in CA, there's going to be so much to do, see and explore!

The time I've spent here in SacTown has definitely seen me grow.  The people I've met and the things I've been able to do have shaped me into an independent individual who has learned the value of family and friends and how to fight to hold onto faith-based roots.  I am definitely going to miss many people here, yet I am certainly planning to embrace all the opportunities this move will bring.  A new place, new people, new things, same me...  For now.

Can You Spare Some Change?

Life is full of changes.  Can I get an "Amen"?  Usually, I try to plan these changes into my life so there will be a smoother transition.  It doesn't always work, especially when the "Changes" bring relatives like cousin "Unforeseen" or uncle "Didn't Even THINK About That".  I know the Bible talks about changes and well-known verses are often quoted regarding change (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).  You see in the Old Testament how often the Hebrews' circumstances change- from slavery to wilderness, from being led by judges to kings, from a divided kingdom back to slavery...  In each change, God's hand is there, either leading His people or being ignored by His people.

I'm currently going through a season of change.  Much more change than I would have thought possible at one time.  I admit, I did "plan" one of the changes, but the rest were not anywhere on my radar.  They came as shocks to my neatly laid out and stable life.  I was trying to balance all this and plan how to work the change back into a manageable life when I realized I was ignoring God's hand.  It was not as if I was worrying or trying to take back anything I had put at His feet.  Actually, I never put it at His feet like I should have.  I didn't take the time to pray and seek His direction. Someday (far, far, far in the future) I might permanently learn this lesson, instead of temporarily (i.e.- until the "next time").

Having taken that step back (although some days I take a half-step forward, still working on this) I'm seeing God work, and it's amazing.  His direction is so much more "stable" than anything I tried.  His answers to the prayers I never took the time to utter astound me and make me feel blessed.  Even if I wasn't worried or concerned before, now I'm also at peace.  He's taken these changes that I thought of as "shocks" and turned them into adventures of meeting new people, learning more about Him, and being excited for the next change (because they're still coming).

So here's to change:  the changing of my heart to be more like His, the changing of my will to reflect His, and the changes in my life to carry out His work.