When In Doubt

I've loved every minute of my move to SD to date, but there have been some moments of doubt.  I know I did the thing I wanted, but was it what God wanted?  I prayed about it for months and was positive that He'd said "Yes," but did I misinterpret a "No" or a "Not now"?  I hadn't let anyone know I was starting to have these doubts.  I wasn't sure myself what the correct answer was, but I knew so many people had put a lot into helping me prepare, move, and settle in that I didn't want to possibly say it might have been for nothing.  Why these doubts when I was so certain before?  Because I didn't have a job!

I don't have a very desirable job skill set (CNA's aren't known for their awesome pay-grade or cool job... duties...), but I have one that is always hiring and easy to get hired if you know what you are doing.  I know, trust me, I know!  I've been a CNA for seven years (two years longer than I swore I'd ever be one!).  I have learned tricks and tips from CNA's of 20+ years and with the love for people that God has given to me, I've always excelled in my work.  I have never been unemployed for more than two weeks.  In fact, usually I've interviewed, hired and started a job within two weeks.  I'm starting my fourth week in SD, with no job.

What a time of learning this has been!  Although I've never been one to worry excessively, I'm simply not patient enough to sit around not working.  I moved to a new (and exciting) area and I am not able to go out exploring as I would like since I have to watch my finances until I start work.  I'm closer to my family but even tho I took one spontaneous trip to visit at the beginning, I can't do it again until I have a set schedule.  I've been applying and inquiring after 4-5 jobs a day.  Not receiving any replies back or scheduling any interviews was causing me to seriously question this move.  Learning to wait upon the Lord (it feels like learning to wait while waiting- does that make sense?) is not easy for me.  I'm not used to waiting for anything.  I go through life very fast and the slow moments are usually because something is requiring a little more time than I anticipated.   Having a full three and a half weeks of waiting may not seem long, but it's definitely a test for me.  It's learning contentment in a new way, it's learning patience again and again and again, it's learning to wait in the Lord, for the Lord, wait while spending my time with Him, it's learning to take these disappointments to my Jesus and leave them piled at His feet, because when I take them all back, I start to doubt my following or His direction.  

I am positive I'm not done learning these lessons. I know I will need reminders quite often of what I've learned from this time.  You know that "chant" said at church sometimes?   "God is good. All the time.  All the time, God is good."  I think it needs a little tweaking.  God is most definitely good, and He is always good all the time, but I've learned that His timing is also always good.  Today I received a job offer from the one interview I had over two weeks ago.  I was slightly discouraged by the interview (it was a group interview, my first!).  They had said they would call with their decision but hadn't yet.  It was the job I wanted, a job that I could learn more from, a medical field I had yet to work in, and I was so disappointed to not have heard back from them.  So God is good, all the time, and God's timing is always good!  I start Monday for orientation and am so excited for this opportunity He's given me.  Once again, God is faithful!

Can You Spare Some Change?

Life is full of changes.  Can I get an "Amen"?  Usually, I try to plan these changes into my life so there will be a smoother transition.  It doesn't always work, especially when the "Changes" bring relatives like cousin "Unforeseen" or uncle "Didn't Even THINK About That".  I know the Bible talks about changes and well-known verses are often quoted regarding change (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).  You see in the Old Testament how often the Hebrews' circumstances change- from slavery to wilderness, from being led by judges to kings, from a divided kingdom back to slavery...  In each change, God's hand is there, either leading His people or being ignored by His people.

I'm currently going through a season of change.  Much more change than I would have thought possible at one time.  I admit, I did "plan" one of the changes, but the rest were not anywhere on my radar.  They came as shocks to my neatly laid out and stable life.  I was trying to balance all this and plan how to work the change back into a manageable life when I realized I was ignoring God's hand.  It was not as if I was worrying or trying to take back anything I had put at His feet.  Actually, I never put it at His feet like I should have.  I didn't take the time to pray and seek His direction. Someday (far, far, far in the future) I might permanently learn this lesson, instead of temporarily (i.e.- until the "next time").

Having taken that step back (although some days I take a half-step forward, still working on this) I'm seeing God work, and it's amazing.  His direction is so much more "stable" than anything I tried.  His answers to the prayers I never took the time to utter astound me and make me feel blessed.  Even if I wasn't worried or concerned before, now I'm also at peace.  He's taken these changes that I thought of as "shocks" and turned them into adventures of meeting new people, learning more about Him, and being excited for the next change (because they're still coming).

So here's to change:  the changing of my heart to be more like His, the changing of my will to reflect His, and the changes in my life to carry out His work.

What Have You Known God To Be?

"What have you known God to be?"  A friend texted me that question yesterday.  I usually don't reply to his texts as they're "mass texts" he sends to a lot of people.  I still didn't reply, but I definitely have an answer.  I was kind of amazed at my answer because it came so fast.  I didn't take time to ponder and think it over, it was just there when I finished reading the text.  What was my answer? What have I known God to be? Faithful.

He's always been faithful.  I think this amazed me so much because you always hear of others claiming they can't feel Him with them, or He's not answering or being silent in times of great need or whatever.  I can't say I've ever thought these things, but I guess I just assumed I could relate, that it was probably like that once or twice.  I'm so grateful to know it hasn't been.  He's always been there, just like He promised, He's always faithful!

There has been many times when I've looked at the world and I've looked at God, at Christ, and was unappreciative of what He's done for me.  Because even though I have salvation, even though I experience amazing love and mercy and grace, I didn't have what the world offers.  There's no fancy clothes or cars or cash floating around.  I didn't go to parties that were wild or get drunk every weekend.  My friends had boyfriends or fiance's or husbands for companions and I have a torn family that I moved far away from.  I'm working my way through school and paying all my bills on my own while my classmates have everything handed to them from their parents.  For some odd reason, at different points in time, I've thought such things would be better than what I already had and have in God.  I've not been faithful in my walk with Christ, yet He's still faithful to me, never leaving my side.

John 10:27-30 is a Bible passage I learned in a children's church program called AWANA (which stands for Approved Workman Are Not Ashamed, taken from 2 Timothy 2:15- an amazing program!).  I had to recite these verses many times over the years I was in the program and really came to appreciate them and the significance they have on my life and my salvation.  I'm getting to appreciate all over again these verses as they show how truly faithful God is: " My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.  And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.  My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.  I and My Father are one."

I cannot be snatched out of His hand.  He is greater than all.  He is so freaking powerful that His hand cannot be forced open, because this is the same hand that created the universe, the hand that formed man out of the dust of the ground, the hand that is constantly protecting me, sheltering me, guiding me, holding me.  I know this to be true because of my life.  The things I've gone through in my short years are not even ordinary events in a long life, but God was always faithful.  Through my close friend's brush with death and the scare that gives a teenager, He was faithful.  Through my parents separation and later divorce, He was faithful.  Through my brother's bike accident and the horrible things that could have happened because of it, He was faithful. Through having my heart broken and everything I thought was concrete shatter, He was faithful.  Through a broken relationship with my father, He was faithful.  Through moving so far away and having every opportunity present to walk away from the faith I was raised on, He was faithful.  Through my best friend being extremely ill and I was the only person near to try and help, He was faithful.  Through spiritual battles and long periods away from the church, He was faithful. Through all this and MUCH more, He's been faithful.  He IS faithful!

What about you?  What have you known God to be?  Good or bad, I'd like to know!  I might just text back my friend and let him know that answer to his question so he can know my answer.  I'm so grateful that He's been faithful!  I'll leave you with another verse.  A promise I hope I never forget!

Deuteronomy 31:6- "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you."

Joy, Time, and Possibly Randomness

I feel as if I have no time to post anything these days!  If I have time to write a blog post, I feel I should be working on my ten-page essay for English instead or do a chapter of Psychology homework or start studying for the next Biology test, even if I just took the last one...  The few times I pulled out the computer to blog, I blanked out...  It's not that I have nothing I'm doing or to talk about, I just keep thinking, "Oh, as soon as I get some pictures, I'll put that post up," or "I can't write about that yet because it'll be so much better after it actually happens." Meaning: I have a trip coming up next week that I'm super excited about, but I want to blog about it with all the juicy details. Also meaning: I have a craft-ie-y-ish post just waiting on pictures of the actual crafts (which I think are SUPER cute). I'm also toying with a post about my nieces cause I can never get enough of them (proud and obsessed Auntie right here) and I think a blog post full of their pictures would make me smile for a week! Oh, AND, I have a clean room... And a re-organized room... And a clean room... And my laundry's done... And a clean room! I know you all don't believe me about my clean room (I like saying that) and I did promise my mom to post the "after" pictures (apparently the "before" were that bad...) so that's on the list as well. I'm finding my biggest problem is time. Time and I are always just missing each other, kind of like Sleep and I are doing... No time, no sleep, but homework and I are becoming... very acquainted.  So now what? How 'bout this:

I love life! I'm not sure how many people are aware of that fact, but I do!  Even when my schedule consists of only work, school, and homework (as many BUSY weeks do!) I still find myself laughing constantly and taking joy in little things.  I have so much to look forward to, I feel it would be easy to rush through today hoping to get to tomorrow faster.  I'm so glad I don't tho.  Joys from today: Laughing with my co-worker over thoroughly silly and random subjects, making and enjoying a new recipe (Lemon Olive Oil Banana Bread with a Lemon/Brown Sugar glaze= SOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!), a delicious vegetable lasagna for dinner, a totally unexpected picture and text from dear friend that had me trying not to laugh (dang, Nolly!)...  What am I looking forward to? ALOT!

Besides the upcoming trip (seriously excited!!!!!!!), I feel I have a jam-packed, well, year! I have a Valentine's Day "date", kinda, sorta, ok, not really...  A co-worker and I made plans to go see "The Vow" the Tuesday after it came out, not knowing that would be V-Day.  Neither of us have or anticipate other plans, so we decided to keep our "date", we're even adding lunch to the movie.  Honestly, it's just a "Girl's Day Out" to us, so it'll be alot of fun.  For Spring Break, my older sister and brother-in-law and NIECES are coming up to stay for the week.  I'm quite excited, ecstatic, happy, delirious with joy over having family come to visit me for a week!  In June, I get to go see "Wicked" again with The Ginger (our Christmas/birthday gifts to each other).  In July, I'm going to San Francisco with Ramen Girl to go see "Les Miserable" (my first time seeing it, happiness!).  I get my nieces for two weeks this summer (both this time).  I apply for PTA programs in March and get responses in May.  If I get accepted, I start the program in August.  The most exciting thing to look forward to?  Drum roll please: In September, I become an Aunty for the third time!  :-D I think being an Aunty is the perfect job for me, I love being the crazy, eccentric Aunty and I adore my nieces (and possibly nephew?) sooooooo much!!!!

My goodness!  See why it's important to remember to enjoy today with so many wonderful things to look forward to?  And now I think I see why I have a hard time FINDING time!

A Quarter of a Century...

My birthday is officially over! I know, I sound like I'm rejoicing... Turning a quarter of a century is draining (just on the pride tho), particularly when I think back on where "teenager" Nicole thought "current" Nicole would be in life. Funny how it's NEVER the way we plan, huh? (I do believe there's a Bible verse about that...)

My day was very relaxed and I appreciate that particular aspect of it. I stayed up to greet my birthday the night before, so I slept in till noon (with the exception of my mom, aunt, and grandma calling to serenade me in the morning). My roommate had to wake me up (cause she was feeling guilty for sleeping so late as well) and we lazily got dressed as I went back and forth in my decision for which restaurant I wanted lunch at. I had a marvelous vegetarian sushi roll (I don't care that there was no fish- it was at least sushi-"styled") that I had been waiting almost a whole year to taste again. That alone made me very happy! Just when I thought we were done ans waiting on the check, two spoons and a dessert were brought out with birthday wishes. I honestly had not expected The Ginger (as she shall be fondly known) to tell on me, so I was mildly shocked until the deliciousness of the dessert made it all ok. There was many vintage shops in mid-town that we would've loved to explore, but The Ginger only had five quarters for the parking meter, so we had an hour total to get back to the car or else... We did have time to go to the vintage store right next door where I scored an amazingly awesome teal-ish waist belt for about $8. The Ginger has already informed me she's stealing it... Another friend dropped by after we got home and watched as The Ginger (I'm really enjoying calling her that...) and I cleaned some more of our room (still a work in progress, but oh-so-close!).

My other roommate (I shall call her Ramen Girl since she just might be obsessed with... ramen) arrived home after The Ginger and my other friend left. I was back to relaxing on the couch trying to figure out how to change the look of this blog (do you like the new look?) when she announced we had to go somewhere for my birthday. I was starting to thing people were conspiring against me staying home for my birthday like I actually wanted (The Ginger had originally planned to take me to San Fransisco, fun but I wanted to stay home), but they must've known better than me because I had more fun than I thought I'd have today. We ended up going to Color Me Mine.  I had never been before, but Ramen Girl had (I'm already plotting to go again, it's that awesome... for me...). It's a place where you can pick out a ceramic and paint it, they glaze it and fire it, then it's yours to keep, give away, lose, destroy, etc... I picked out a little plate that has a cupcake in the center, it's super cute and I think I did a marvelous job making it cuter (but you have to wait till I get it back to see the truth of my words since I didn't take any pictures at all today). Ramen Girl chose a mug that she painted these cute little characters on (from TokiDoki if anyone else besides her knows what that is). I finally figured out as we were driving home that she might be sneakier than I give her credit for since I concentrate more than I talk when I'm painting... Lucky her! We got home and had strawberry shortcake (delicious!) and watched totally ridiculous (but hilarious) videos on YouTube.

Such a silly, abnormal day for me, but I have to give a big thank you to both Ramen Girl and The Ginger for making this "turning a quarter of a century" thing not as bad as I had envisioned it'd be. Seriously, I just have amazing friends, what can I say? So, what are my plans for year 25? Besides more work and school and homework? I have grand plans!!! I just can't get enough of my friends and family, so seeing them and laughing with them and cherishing them more is so on my To-Do list, and growing closer to the One who cherishes me the most!

P.S-Just want you all to know I'm going to be tired tomorrow, especially since I have to get up in five hours...  That's what happens when you sleep till noon, even on your birthday!

P.P.S.- Although the room's not done yet, seriously MUCH better tho, I'll get pics up when we get everything rearranged (which is taking some serious math skills!). My mom is a true mother and wants to make sure I actually cleaned my room :-P I love you Mommy! :-D -THE END-

My Christmas Lists...

Happy Second Day of the New Year! :-D I had a wonderful Christmas (three of them actually!) and slept thru the "New Year" or the clock turning midnight... It's a tradition of mine to sleep thru it each year, I've only missed one or two years my whole life. Want to know what I got for Christmas? I know you do! Here's some of my favorite things:

-A Cake Pops mold and sticks (the good kind you actually use cake for!)
-A Shoe Cookie Cutter (Fashionable AND Edible, can it get any better?)
-The cutest apron (with shoes on it!)
-A Party Planning book (haven't had time to crack it open yet, but it's so on my calendar!)
-A small creative Cupcake book and a 30-minute Vegetarian book (both have GREAT ideas!)
-A marvelous and wonderful Craft Table (to save my room from the tornado known as "Nicole's craft mess")

And HERE'S my absolute favoritest presents of them all!

-Seeing my family and spending time with them!
-Hugging my nieces over and over and seeing their smiles meant just for me
-Seeing my brother in his Navy blue dress uniform walk down the stairs at the airport and feeling so proud of him
-Getting to tell everyone I hold dear that I love them at least one more time

I truly appreciate the money spent on presents for me, the fun stuff, the stuff I need, the stuff I want... The older I get, the more I realize the value of those tangible gifts are nothing compared to being hugged by my dad, laughing with my sisters, talking with my mom in the same room, having a conversation that no one else can follow with my brother or chasing my nieces and hearing their squeals of happiness.

As another year is heading my way (I'm turning 25 this week!!!!) I'm reminded more and more of my blessings and I hope to cherish them a lot more than I have been. I don't do "New Year Resolutions", and I don't plan to start. What I like to do is look back over the past year and take the time to thank Christ for my blessings. Here's some of my favorite's and biggest (or just the ones I remember...):

-My salvation thru Jesus Christ and His constant work in my life
-Another year of health insurance
-Making it thru my first whole year back at school
-The opportunity to see my family more often than in past years
-My job that allows me to go to school full time and work full time and have time for homework
-My co-workers who keep me sane during some days at my job
-Having my older niece for two weeks during the summer and being able to spend that time with her without other obligations
-Meeting new people and forming new friendships
-Having a car that is 10 years old, over 140,000 miles and still working
-The chance to see relatives I hadn't seen in years (anywhere from 2 years to over a decade!)
-Being able to attend my younger nieces first birthday
-Traveling to new places and out of state
-Keeping and deepening the friendships I have with my oldest and dearest friends (and now their husbands and some of them their children)
-My family
-My Mom
-My Dad
-My older Sister
-My younger Brother
-My younger Sister
-My older Niece
-My younger Niece
-My Grandma Penny and Donny
-My Grandma J and Papa
-My Aunts and Uncles and Cousins
-My best friend and my two closest friends in Sac-Town
-SO MUCH MORE!

I have so many blessings in my life! I'm slowly learning to take the time to enjoy them and rejoice in them as they are gifts from my Savior, but I still have a long way to go! :-P How was your Christmas/New Years?

P.S.- Believe it or not, this was not the blog I was intending to write! I was going to post pictures of my adorable nieces and tell about my holiday adventures... Maybe next time LOL