When In Doubt

I've loved every minute of my move to SD to date, but there have been some moments of doubt.  I know I did the thing I wanted, but was it what God wanted?  I prayed about it for months and was positive that He'd said "Yes," but did I misinterpret a "No" or a "Not now"?  I hadn't let anyone know I was starting to have these doubts.  I wasn't sure myself what the correct answer was, but I knew so many people had put a lot into helping me prepare, move, and settle in that I didn't want to possibly say it might have been for nothing.  Why these doubts when I was so certain before?  Because I didn't have a job!

I don't have a very desirable job skill set (CNA's aren't known for their awesome pay-grade or cool job... duties...), but I have one that is always hiring and easy to get hired if you know what you are doing.  I know, trust me, I know!  I've been a CNA for seven years (two years longer than I swore I'd ever be one!).  I have learned tricks and tips from CNA's of 20+ years and with the love for people that God has given to me, I've always excelled in my work.  I have never been unemployed for more than two weeks.  In fact, usually I've interviewed, hired and started a job within two weeks.  I'm starting my fourth week in SD, with no job.

What a time of learning this has been!  Although I've never been one to worry excessively, I'm simply not patient enough to sit around not working.  I moved to a new (and exciting) area and I am not able to go out exploring as I would like since I have to watch my finances until I start work.  I'm closer to my family but even tho I took one spontaneous trip to visit at the beginning, I can't do it again until I have a set schedule.  I've been applying and inquiring after 4-5 jobs a day.  Not receiving any replies back or scheduling any interviews was causing me to seriously question this move.  Learning to wait upon the Lord (it feels like learning to wait while waiting- does that make sense?) is not easy for me.  I'm not used to waiting for anything.  I go through life very fast and the slow moments are usually because something is requiring a little more time than I anticipated.   Having a full three and a half weeks of waiting may not seem long, but it's definitely a test for me.  It's learning contentment in a new way, it's learning patience again and again and again, it's learning to wait in the Lord, for the Lord, wait while spending my time with Him, it's learning to take these disappointments to my Jesus and leave them piled at His feet, because when I take them all back, I start to doubt my following or His direction.  

I am positive I'm not done learning these lessons. I know I will need reminders quite often of what I've learned from this time.  You know that "chant" said at church sometimes?   "God is good. All the time.  All the time, God is good."  I think it needs a little tweaking.  God is most definitely good, and He is always good all the time, but I've learned that His timing is also always good.  Today I received a job offer from the one interview I had over two weeks ago.  I was slightly discouraged by the interview (it was a group interview, my first!).  They had said they would call with their decision but hadn't yet.  It was the job I wanted, a job that I could learn more from, a medical field I had yet to work in, and I was so disappointed to not have heard back from them.  So God is good, all the time, and God's timing is always good!  I start Monday for orientation and am so excited for this opportunity He's given me.  Once again, God is faithful!

Just Because

So, because I moved, and because I moved closer to family, I've already had multiple chances to see more of my family.  And because I'm still learning and trying to take better pictures, I take lots of pictures.  Also because I'm an obsessed Aunty, I take lots of pictures of my nieces.  Finally, because seeing pictures of my nieces makes me smile, I am now going to overload you with their cuteness.  Just because!

  

See?  SUPER CUTE, right?  Happiness is most definitely being an Aunty!

Adventures in San Diego!

One week after moving from SacTown to SD, my new roomie and I went exploring Balboa Park.  So.  Much.  Fun.  And so much to do!  In the time we were there, we pretty much traveled the world.  No, really!  We have pictures to prove it.

We went to England:

Yeah, we TOTALLY caught some Olympic action there.  They wanted to give us gold medals for the sport of being awesome, but we politely declined since we couldn't stay for the award ceremony.

We stopped by the Butchart Gardens in British Columbia...

And smelled some flowers...

And admired their beauty...

And pretended to be African monkeys hanging from a flower filled well...  Ok, so that was only me...

We danced with the Kirov (Mariinsky) Ballet...

and the Paris Opera Ballet...  (no, those are not white tights, those are my white legs)

We crashed a flower show in a foreign-Spanish-looking-place.

It took great strength to refrain from bringing back any flowers 'cause they were so pretty!

We found a secret entrance to Wonderland (take that Alice!).

And in Wonderland, we met this super friendly green dragon-snake-thingy.  (Mom, don't freak out, but we brought him home!)

Just in case you were wondering, I'm loving my new home.  I'll have to tell you more later, but right now there's more adventures waiting for me, so off into beautiful 80 degree weather I go!

The Big News (but not too big)

Wanna know something?  If you're friends with my older sister, you might already know (she can't keep her honest mouth shut).  I'm moving!  I'm finding that moving is an exciting prospect until it becomes time to start packing.  Then it's not so exciting, rather, it becomes an item on the list of things to avoid.  When cupboards start becoming empty and your apartment starts to show bare walls and floor spaces again, it's back to exciting.  Friends start to talk about the adventure of moving and the realization that these friends won't be near anymore makes moving once again undesirable.  The solution I've come up with is that I need to learn to teleport- then all my stuff could be moved without packing it and finding time or money to visit friends left behind won't be an issue!

ACK!  Sorry, had to kill a spider attempting to sneak across my arm...  ~shudder~

Back to the issue at hand: moving.  I've been wanting to move for years.  Originally, I wanted to move to a cooler climate (i.e.- Washington, i.e.- Seattle, i.e.- I like the Olympic Peninsula too), but my family is growing and I will be an auntie for the third time at the end of September (maybe beginning of October?).  The thought of living so far away while my nieces (and almost-here nephew) are so little is a depressing thought.  All I could think of is Miss Niece and Little Niece calling me "Buggy" when they see me (my little sister's nickname).  They've both done it (goes to show family resemblance is obvious in my family).  Every time I haven't visited for at least five months, I'm back to being the other Bug.  Not cool, especially when I LOVE being an auntie and want to watch them grow up.  Being the unknown aunt is just not acceptable.  So to make this long story short: because my little sister is having a baby, I'm moving south instead of north.  Yes, back to dreaded SoCal I go...  I'll admit, I'm still rather excited.

I'm not moving back to my hometown, not to incredibly hot L.A., or to the desert-I-would-DIE-in-known-as-Palm-Springs-where-most-of-my-siblings-live.  This cold-weather-loving gal is moving to the (I've been told and hope it's true) beachy, same-weather-most-of-the-year area of San Diego.  It is a new adventure that is filled with many perks:
-I get my own room again
-I get my own bathroom for the first time ever
-I get a new roommate/friend
-I will be only two hours away from most of my family (in the desert and L.A. area)
-I will be 30 min away from the beach
-There is a public library about a half-mile away from my new apartment
-The city park is less than a mile away (Big Sis- feel free to bring nieces weekly!)
-There's a Sprout's Farmer's Market store 1.3 miles away
-According to the world wide web, there are farmer's markets every day, all year long, not just seasonally
-San Diego is the second largest city in CA, there's going to be so much to do, see and explore!

The time I've spent here in SacTown has definitely seen me grow.  The people I've met and the things I've been able to do have shaped me into an independent individual who has learned the value of family and friends and how to fight to hold onto faith-based roots.  I am definitely going to miss many people here, yet I am certainly planning to embrace all the opportunities this move will bring.  A new place, new people, new things, same me...  For now.

Can You Spare Some Change?

Life is full of changes.  Can I get an "Amen"?  Usually, I try to plan these changes into my life so there will be a smoother transition.  It doesn't always work, especially when the "Changes" bring relatives like cousin "Unforeseen" or uncle "Didn't Even THINK About That".  I know the Bible talks about changes and well-known verses are often quoted regarding change (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).  You see in the Old Testament how often the Hebrews' circumstances change- from slavery to wilderness, from being led by judges to kings, from a divided kingdom back to slavery...  In each change, God's hand is there, either leading His people or being ignored by His people.

I'm currently going through a season of change.  Much more change than I would have thought possible at one time.  I admit, I did "plan" one of the changes, but the rest were not anywhere on my radar.  They came as shocks to my neatly laid out and stable life.  I was trying to balance all this and plan how to work the change back into a manageable life when I realized I was ignoring God's hand.  It was not as if I was worrying or trying to take back anything I had put at His feet.  Actually, I never put it at His feet like I should have.  I didn't take the time to pray and seek His direction. Someday (far, far, far in the future) I might permanently learn this lesson, instead of temporarily (i.e.- until the "next time").

Having taken that step back (although some days I take a half-step forward, still working on this) I'm seeing God work, and it's amazing.  His direction is so much more "stable" than anything I tried.  His answers to the prayers I never took the time to utter astound me and make me feel blessed.  Even if I wasn't worried or concerned before, now I'm also at peace.  He's taken these changes that I thought of as "shocks" and turned them into adventures of meeting new people, learning more about Him, and being excited for the next change (because they're still coming).

So here's to change:  the changing of my heart to be more like His, the changing of my will to reflect His, and the changes in my life to carry out His work.

What Have You Known God To Be?

"What have you known God to be?"  A friend texted me that question yesterday.  I usually don't reply to his texts as they're "mass texts" he sends to a lot of people.  I still didn't reply, but I definitely have an answer.  I was kind of amazed at my answer because it came so fast.  I didn't take time to ponder and think it over, it was just there when I finished reading the text.  What was my answer? What have I known God to be? Faithful.

He's always been faithful.  I think this amazed me so much because you always hear of others claiming they can't feel Him with them, or He's not answering or being silent in times of great need or whatever.  I can't say I've ever thought these things, but I guess I just assumed I could relate, that it was probably like that once or twice.  I'm so grateful to know it hasn't been.  He's always been there, just like He promised, He's always faithful!

There has been many times when I've looked at the world and I've looked at God, at Christ, and was unappreciative of what He's done for me.  Because even though I have salvation, even though I experience amazing love and mercy and grace, I didn't have what the world offers.  There's no fancy clothes or cars or cash floating around.  I didn't go to parties that were wild or get drunk every weekend.  My friends had boyfriends or fiance's or husbands for companions and I have a torn family that I moved far away from.  I'm working my way through school and paying all my bills on my own while my classmates have everything handed to them from their parents.  For some odd reason, at different points in time, I've thought such things would be better than what I already had and have in God.  I've not been faithful in my walk with Christ, yet He's still faithful to me, never leaving my side.

John 10:27-30 is a Bible passage I learned in a children's church program called AWANA (which stands for Approved Workman Are Not Ashamed, taken from 2 Timothy 2:15- an amazing program!).  I had to recite these verses many times over the years I was in the program and really came to appreciate them and the significance they have on my life and my salvation.  I'm getting to appreciate all over again these verses as they show how truly faithful God is: " My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.  And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.  My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.  I and My Father are one."

I cannot be snatched out of His hand.  He is greater than all.  He is so freaking powerful that His hand cannot be forced open, because this is the same hand that created the universe, the hand that formed man out of the dust of the ground, the hand that is constantly protecting me, sheltering me, guiding me, holding me.  I know this to be true because of my life.  The things I've gone through in my short years are not even ordinary events in a long life, but God was always faithful.  Through my close friend's brush with death and the scare that gives a teenager, He was faithful.  Through my parents separation and later divorce, He was faithful.  Through my brother's bike accident and the horrible things that could have happened because of it, He was faithful. Through having my heart broken and everything I thought was concrete shatter, He was faithful.  Through a broken relationship with my father, He was faithful.  Through moving so far away and having every opportunity present to walk away from the faith I was raised on, He was faithful.  Through my best friend being extremely ill and I was the only person near to try and help, He was faithful.  Through spiritual battles and long periods away from the church, He was faithful. Through all this and MUCH more, He's been faithful.  He IS faithful!

What about you?  What have you known God to be?  Good or bad, I'd like to know!  I might just text back my friend and let him know that answer to his question so he can know my answer.  I'm so grateful that He's been faithful!  I'll leave you with another verse.  A promise I hope I never forget!

Deuteronomy 31:6- "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you."

5 Thoughts From Today

I think alot.  I don't always think about intelligent things and I try to avoid thinking while doing homework, but I still think alot!  Most of the time, my thoughts are connected... not at all.  They jump from subject to subject in an attempt to lose me (or make me lose my mind) but I always manage to keep up.  So here's some of my most interesting random thoughts.

Random Thought #1:

It's February.  Did you know that?  It's February and this is what I see outside:

Trees are budding and some trees never even lost their leaves during "fall"...

 This tree will have white flowers all over it very soon (and that bench makes me want to sit and read a book!)...

The daffodils are blooming.  The DAFFODILS are blooming...  The daffodils are BLOOMING!



These cute little garden hogs flowers are blooming like crazy all over...

Is it really February, or am I that gullible?  The weather has been in the 70's, much to everyone's delight (and my dismay...  I love winter!).  I'm going to have to retire my sweaters and fur-lined boots incredibly early.  At this point, I'm quite scared for summer.  For those who do not know: I'm made of sugar and the heat simply "caramelizes" me (forget "melting"), I become a hot mess!  I just can't stand the heat, it's one of the main reasons winter is my favorite season.  Enjoy this weather while you can, cause the moment it hits above 80, I'm heading for Alaska (oh, how I wish).

Interesting Thought #2:

I'm in love.  I might just have an affair.  I've found the most amazing partner and I think I'm ready to finally commit... 

Chocolate...  and banana... and orange... and chocolate...  Is there anything better?  I think I'm finally ready to admit this is my favorite recipe.  I feel like I'm betraying all the other desserts I've created and enjoyed, but this little number is all I dream of baking and eating and devouring these days.  Do you see the chocolate?  How it's all melty and gooey?  It stays like that, even when it's not hot, it's still melted and gooey and simply wonderful!  Believe it or not, this is actually a bread, not a cake, but a loaf pan seems too mundane for it, so a bunt pan it is and should always be.  Are you in love yet?  I can share if needed...  Maybe...  Actually, I don't think I can, sorry!

Last Intelligent Thought Ever #3:

I have awesome co-workers.  They always make me laugh and we get along very well.  A job is always an awesome thing when you get to hang out with a friend all day!  I have 3 co-workers, but I only work with 2...  Does that make sense?  P'rolly not, but it'd take too long to explain.  Anyway, to prove the awesomeness of my co-workers, I shall have to show a picture full of personality.  We're re-naming this particular co-worker to "Daffodil".  I forget why, but we had a whole conversation about this and laughed at the end of it.  So, without further ado, Daffodil:

See how much fun we have?  Seriously, you just can't beat how much fun we have at work...  Or outside of work...  Ok, yeah, I admit, I think I have more fun than everyone else does...  Or maybe I just laugh louder, it's a possibility...

I changed my mind and here's another Thought #4:

I just watched a commercial with a little girl in a bikini.  Can I just say I don't appreciate little girls in bikinis...  I don't think it's cute or appropriate.  Little girls are little girls, not teenagers or little adults.  What's wrong with one-piece swimsuits or even tankinis?  Warning to my sister: Though you haven't yet, don't put my nieces in bikinis!  OK, done with the ranting now!


Facts Thought #5:

I've hit the backspace so many dang times in this post
I've spelled "thought" wrong every time I wrote it, including this time
I like the commercials that have funky-beat music
I have a new "friend" I've named Roxanne, but you'll meet her and hear her story another day
I have so many hobbies that I've no time for them, with the exception of eating
I just got home from visiting a dear friend and now the countdown to see my nieces has begun
Countdown till the nieces: 37 days!